You may be all shiny and Leed-certified. You may offer panoramic views of our pretty little city as I run around your track. You may offer fitness classes and fancy machines and workouts galore. I just wanted to let you know, I see through your lies.
Your doors promise to leave me fit as a fiddle - but with a cost. That cost includes trekking in the freezing cold to you at 6 am in the morning, only to fight sleep as I burn a tiny amount of calories sweating my face off for ages on an elliptical. I am intimidated by your classes because I know I'll be the one falling over during her down-ward dog. Your treadmills leave me dizzy and embarrassed as I get tangled up in my iPod cords and drop my water bottle on the floor. YMCA, you ask so much and give me so little back.
I may be two months into a year-long contract, but I am seriously considering leaving you for something easier. Like this:
Or maybe not. Anyways, I'll probably see you tomorrow. You know I just can't stay away...